It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
