Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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