Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
