dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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