i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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