If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
