he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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