she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
