i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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