Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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