I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
