They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
