I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
