quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
