dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
