make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
