This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
