lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
