Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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