im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
