Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
