sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
