1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I could fuck to npr.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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