i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
