I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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