Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
