Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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