Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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