I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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