Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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