I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
