I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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