feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
