I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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