Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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