You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They took my balls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had sex on a roof
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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