im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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