And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
