toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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