Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
