Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
