Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
