I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
