i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
