what day is it and did you see me today?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
