my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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