I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
