I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
