If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
