They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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