What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
