I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
