it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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