I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Randomize
