WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
