He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
