remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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