I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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