there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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