My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
