We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
