I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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