I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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