So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
