the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
