If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
