Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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