I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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