Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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