please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fuck appropriateness.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
