Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
