true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize