if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
