i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
