Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Maybe he injected his testicle?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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