dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
